I play basketball for the last seven years, but before that I practised trampoline and tumbling since the age of six. I spent about thirteen hours a week at the gymnastic hall. If I started earlier with basketball, my youth probably would have been totally different, because I come a long way.
Because I studied at a boarding school for girls and also joined the gymnastics club, I struggled with my sexuality for quite a while. The fact that I only knew girls from the gym club and didn’t know any boys, didn’t help either. I was convinced that I just hadn’t met the ‘right’ guy yet. Only when I studied at university, I became more sure about who I was. Getting older gave me advice. It didn’t help that I only knew girls from the gym club and didn’t know any boys. I was convinced that I just hadn’t met the ‘right’ guy yet.
I only told my gym students when I had my first girlfriend. One girl already knew, because she was my neighbour and we were pretty close. The others of the group only found out by coincidence. They were scrolling on my photo camera when one of them asked if my lover was on any of the pictures. I nodded and so they were looking for pictures with boys on it. They didn’t find any and disappointedly handed over the camera. They thought I lied. But once again I confirmed that my love was on one of these pictures. “Impossible”, they said. When suddenly one of them understood: “Oh, is it a girl then?” I nodded again. Their responses were very simple: “Why didn’t you say so?” and they started searching again. Not one gymnast that made a problem out of it!
As a coach, you often touch your gymnasts to help to execute their exercises. So when I asked if they didn’t think it was weird that I touched them, they told me they had never even thought about this. I expected more problems, but experienced none. I got the best reactions from my gymnasts when I came out.
To my younger self I would say: “You are who you are, and you can’t change anything about that.
Basketball clubs opposed to gym clubs are more often mixed and are, in my opinion, also more tolerant to lesbian girls. If I started to play basketball from a young age, I would have understood my own sexuality much sooner. Gymnastics is pretty individual whereas basketball is a team sport and you make many more friends. Or maybe I just felt pretty lonely in the gym club.
Whenever you have a hard time, it’s good to trust someone with your thoughts, emotions and doubts. Share them with someone in your environment with whom your ‘secret’ is safe. You really are not alone… and by telling someone also literally not alone. I was so glad that my brother knew it early and that I knew I could count on him. This gave me peace, he knew it and at the same time he was still just my brother who would do anything for his little sister.
To my younger self I would say: “You are who you are, and you can’t change anything about that. Accepting yourself is so important. Everyone has a moment in his/her life when they are scared they won’t be accepted. But once that happens, it is a loss for the other one. You don’t need someone in your life that doesn’t accept you.